>As the alarm goes off, you slam your hoof into it, nearly breaking it.
>Your head is pounding and worse, you feel sick.
>Crawling slowly to the bathroom, you’re so damn sluggish.
>The bath helps clear your head up a little.
>You decide to skip breakfast, considering you’re certain you won’t hold anything down.
>Instead, you grab some pills from the cabinet and down them with a glass of water.
>Should’ve thought things through, but no.
>That didn’t stop you from being stupid last night.
“Idiot, should’ve just had one bottle.”
>Thankfully you have time before work to mend this mistake.
>Sitting down on the couch, you try to read.
>However, your head is still pounding.
>Normally three drinks wouldn’t do that.
>But you didn’t pace yourself.
>Letting out a sigh, you stare at the ceiling for now.
“I have to stop this, it’s getting in the way of work.”
>The thoughts however, return.
>’You can’t save everypony.’
“I know.”
>You’re talking to yourself again, and you mash your face against your hooves.
>Can’t go crazy Rest, get a grip.
>Letting out a breath you were holding in, you sit up.
>Still have some time left.
>Never bothered to unpack from yesterday, so you tend to your bags and get ready.
>You pause again looking at your fetlock.
>When you first cut, it was to help distract you from watching others suffer.
>It did help, at least for a little while.
>You knew it was wrong, but didn’t stop.
>However it started happening too much.
>So you compromised and just cut when a patient died.
>Unfortunately that lead to you cutting a little deeper.
>In time you had to hide them with your wristband.
>That didn’t hide the ugly scars though, those are permanent.
>You trace the mark, and push aside those thoughts.
>Grabbing your things, you don’t bother with the pep talk and head out.

>Everything feels cold and stiff outside.
>’Like you.’
>Trying to ignore the thoughts, you pick up the pace to work.
>Some ponies try to wave or say hello, but you ignore them.
>The hospital quickly closes in, and you feel some small panic.
>You try to control your breathing, but it’s difficult
>Do it for them.
>Thankfully you reach your locker and take a moment.
>Your thoughts are still eating you and that needs to stop.
>Finishing up, you turn and see Betty.
>Just play it normal, she won’t suspect anything.
>As she approaches, you put on a fake face for her.
>”Hi there Rest, feeling better?”
>You’re not sure if she will fall for it, but it doesn’t matter.
>You nod and add a bit of enthusiasm to your voice.
“Yeah, went to bed early, ready to seize the day.”
>Betty smiles and starts to get ready as well.
>”That’s great to hear, but don’t forget if you need something, or wanna talk, just ask.”
>You’ll keep that in mind.
>Hopefully, everything will go well today.
“Of course, I won’t forget.”
>As she is about to continue, you interrupt her.
“I’m going to go to the meeting, see you there.”
>She raises an eyebrow and gives you an uncertain smile.
>”Okay, I’ll join you all in just a second.”
>You hurry off, to the group
>As you’re waiting, you keep thinking about yesterday.
>I just need to put my best for them, that’s all.
>’You can’t save everypony.’
>I can save them.
>’They all die eventually.’
>You shut your eyes tightly and shake your head.
>”Deep Rest? Are you okay?”
>Opening your eyes, you see the head nurse and a few others are looking at you.
“Ye-yeah, just fine. A little tired is all, I’m ready for my assignment.”
>She nods and gives you the papers.
>Pretty much same as yesterday, a few changes.
>Same patients, different rotations.
>Going through the same routine for examinations.

>Pony complains of a problem.
>You get information, and usually get them to spill a little more.
>Take temperature if needed and repeat.
>For some, it would be called boring.
>For you, it’s your life.
>Every since you got your cutiemark, you have been helping others.
>You fondly remember mom being overjoyed at seeing you get your doctorate in medicine.
>The hours of studying and lack of sleep finally paid off.
>It makes you smile and you feel more focused again.
>With renewed vigor, you approach Sky’s room.
>Mrs. Light is sitting bed side and reading him a book.
>>”-from the E.U.P. the Wonderbolts were founded.”
>Another history lesson, not that you’re too surprised.
>Because of his condition, he is often home schooled.
>Picking up the chart, you see that he has deteriorated a little.
>His O2 levels are still low, and the antibiotics are still being used.
>He calls out to you in a scratchy voice.
>”Hi Rest.”
>Looking at him now, you can’t help but frown.
>Though he is stable, some color has drained from him.
“Hello Sky, how are you feeling?”
>”My throat hurts, and I’m tired.”
>Likely he has been coughing.
>You gently pat his mane and smile.
“I bet, you’ve been through a lot.”
>He slowly nods, and you can see his mother watching you both from the corner of your eye.
>She has a small smile of her own.
>Though you can see the corners of her mouth are threatening to turn it into a frown.
>Light tries to talk again, but starts to cough.
>The two of you reach him and try to assist him.
>”There, there, Sky.”
>Sadly, you know what will happen if this continues.
>’You can’t save them all.’
>As he finally gets it under control, you try to get him to just sit still.
“How about you let your mom read to you while I sit with you for a bit?”
>He goes to talk, but stops and nods instead.
>Mrs. Light sits back down and reopens the book continuing where she left off.

>Though it eats into your time, it’s worth it.
>Eventually a light snore draws your attention.
>Sky has fallen asleep, and looks peaceful.
>”Thank you Nurse Rest.”
>Looking back up, you see Mrs. Light looking at the two of you.
>You give her a smile.
“My pleasure.”
>She sighs for a moment, and sets the book back in a bag next to her.
>”He has been up and down all night. It’s good to see him finally sleep. I think I will take a little nap myself.”
>You don’t blame her, she looks like she needs it, badly.
“Of course, take care Mrs. Light.”
>”You too.”
>As you leave the room, you feel tired yourself.
>Though the thoughts don’t bother you while you check on the others.
>You know they will likely return soon.
>If last night was any indication, you will pick up another pack of cider.
>Just need to limit yourself is all.
>Because you stayed a little longer with Sky, you have to head to lunch late.
>However, you finally manage to eat.
>Betty joins you and looks pretty tired herself.
“You look, how I feel.”
>She snorts, and shakes her head a little.
>”Yeah, thanks.”
>As she eats, she starts to talk with you.
>”So, feeling better from this morning?”
>Not entirely, your nerves are still frayed.
“Yeah, a little tired still, but at least I slept last night.”
>She takes a bite and continues.
>”I can see we are both running a little behind though.”
>Not surprised she is worried about not getting everything done.
“Yeah, but we have good reasons. I had to sit with the Light family a little longer than usual.”
>Betty stops, and gives a look of surprise.
>”I’m guessing that is one of the patients you’re worried about?”
>There is no point in hiding anymore.
>You decide to tell her a little, if only to alleviate her worries.
“Yeah, Sky Light, he has pneumonia. I’m certain you have had him before.”
>She nods and starts to eat again.

>”Mhm, cute colt.” She pauses, then continues. “Rest, you should’ve told me sooner.”
>Her words sting a little.
>You deserve it though.
>She has been trying to help, but you keep pushing her away.
>Letting out a sigh, you try to continue, but she stops you.
>”Look, I get it. Really I do. I know you get attached, and to be honest, that is really good for the patients.”
>You know what she is going to say next.
“There is a but in there.”
>She closes her eyes and reopens them.
>Her face shifts a little into lecture mode.
>”You’re right, there is. You let yourself get too attached. Do you think I forgot when you first told me about it? You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s not healthy for you or anypony.”
>You look down and sigh.
“I know, I know, I just can’t change that part of me.”
>Feeling a hoof on your wither you look back up at her.
>”I’m not asking you change. I’m asking you to let your friends shoulder your burden.”
>For the first time today, it feels like the world got a little brighter.
“I’m sorry Betty. You’re right.”
>She smiles, and gives you a small squeeze.
>”Good to hear, I’m going to finish off my shift, let me know if you need anything. I’m serious.”
>You nod and watch her leave.
>Shortly after, you clean up and go do your rounds.
>Some more releases, some changes of equipment, and a few talks.
>You approach Carl’s room and see a gray pegasus mare leaving it.
>She gives you a smile and passes by.
>As you enter, you see Carl with a large smile on his face.
>”Hello Ms. Rest, you just missed my granddaughter.”
>You weren’t certain if that was her.
>In truth, you have only seen her once.
“Oh, we just passed in the hallway.”
>Looking over the chart as usual, he is still stable, but not leaving.

>Slowly he nods.
>As you perform your duties, you note he is quiet this time.
>It’s starting to bother you, he usually has a story to tell.
“Is everything alright Carl?”
>You look to him and see a far off look in his eyes.
>He slowly blinks and takes a breath, then slowly releases it.
>”Everything is fine.”
>You don’t buy that.
>That’s one thing you can count on with him.
>He will talk about anything.
“You know you can tell me anything Carl. We’ve known each other for a while now, I’d like to think we’re friends.”
>He smiles, and takes a moment.
>”Yes, yes we are friends, aren’t we?” He sighs. “You know, it’s hard to talk about some things though.”
>You write down a few numbers and look back to him.
“It’s always hard to do that.”
>Carl nods, and continues.
>”That’s true, but there are some subjects you don’t talk about freely. Like death.”
>The words freeze you on the spot.
>As you’re trying to break out of it, he continues.
>”I’m old Ms. Rest, too old. I’ve seen a lot of places. Was blessed to have a loving wife and foals of my own.”
>No.
>”I’ve been in this hospital for weeks, I’m not dumb. After my wife passed, I knew I would join her eventually.”
>Finally breaking out of your shock, you try to reassure him.
“You have a lot of life left in you Carl, don’t say those things.”
>He shakes his head and gives out a little chuckle.
>”This is what I mean about certain subjects.”
>Fear feels like its starting to make itself manifest in the open.
“You will get better, you’re just a little sick is all.”
>He finally looks at you, and for once, you can see he has a serious look on his face.
>”I don’t think so. I know you don’t want to hear it, but my time is approaching. I’m not afraid though, I welcome it.”
>Before you can interrupt, he continues.

>”I’m telling you this because we are friends. Please Ms. Rest, I don’t mind you missing me, but don’t let it bring you down.”
>How?
>How is that he knows?
“I..I...Yo-you will be fine Carl.”
>He starts to plead to you.
>”I will be, everything will be fine.”
>No words escape you.
>You just nod and finish up without saying goodbye.
>’You can’t save everypony.’
>Your heart is pounding.
>It’s hard to focus on your reports.
>You turn them in and hurry to the locker room.
>The whole time, everything feels so hollow.
>Betty sees you and tries to talk.
>Her mouth is moving, but you don’t hear words.
>Everything feels like its on autopilot.
>’They all die eventually.’
>Soon you find yourself trotting along the road.
>Your world is so gray.
>Isn’t it supposed to be bright and colorful?
>Taking a detour to the store, you know what you need.
>You enter and buy a case of hard cider.
>Slowly your approach your apartment.
>The building feels so dead.
>Closing the door behind you and dropping your things.
>You sit down on the couch with the pack of cider on the table.
>A part of you knows that Carl is right.
>It’s been said that when you are close to death at old age, you can see it coming.
>How true that is, you don’t know.
>No book ever explained how ponies can tell.
>But there are numerous reports of old ponies predicting their death.
“He can’t die.”
>Tears start to fall freely from you.
>You look down and see you already have drank two bottles.
“I don’t remember even opening one.”
>It doesn’t matter, you need to numb this.
>You don’t want to feel right now.
>Inside you’re breaking, and you want nothing more than to numb it all.
>Finishing off your third bottle, you don’t feel better.
“Another won’t hurt.”
>Even as you drink it, it feels like your just pouring it down a drain.
>Before you finish, you freeze.
>Without warning, you began to sob.
“Everything hurts.”

>You curl up on the couch and let out a small whine.
“I don’t want to hurt again.”
>There is an answer though.
>It makes you slow your breathing.
>You get up and head to the bathroom.
>Staring back at you is a haggard mare.
>Her mane is a disaster and her eyes are bloodshot.
>Ignoring it, you open the cabinet.
>Inside, a small selection of blades awaits.
>Still new, never opened.
>Letting out a hiccup, you grab one.
“Just one, just one is all I need to do.”
>You lean over the sink and pull off your wristband.
>Looking down at your fetlock, you can almost see the veins.
>Your knowledge giving you so much detail.
>Leaning down, you’re about to cut
>Bringing the blade to your skin, you gently press and pull back a little.
>You’re just sitting there, breathing heavy through clenched teeth.
“Come on, do it, do it.”
>You’re start to shake and your vision starts to blur.
>Letting go, you drop the blade into the sink and fall back on your flank.
>Instead, you cry.
“I can’t do this. I’m a coward.”
>You wrap your legs around yourself, and slowly rock.
>This isn’t right, this isn’t you.
>After what feels like hours you finally calm down.
>Slowly you regain your strength and get up.
>Everything hurts, your heart especially.
>You put away the blade and shamble your way to your bed.
>Tomorrow will be better, you’re certain of it.
>You’re exhausted and collapse into the bed.
>The world fades away and sleep takes you in its hold at last.